SO Hat Yai

What a fabulous day of a meditative urban run, clean streets, a grocery store experience involving AVOCADOS and STOUT BEER and REESE'S - the things I was most craving for getting back to the States. Man, these mainland days are rough when you try to stock up on all the food that you've been severely deprived of.
Tomorrow is Malaysia, another approximately 12 days on a peaceful island, finishing class, DIVING - which terrifies and fascinates me at the same time. There are so many different worlds all part of one big world, oh man. Still no idea where I fit in and what my role is. The main lesson of traveling - when you think you know anything is when you know the least. About yourself, about humanity, about the world.

Good night!

Time is skin, not a dress

3 am, I am lying in a tent on Adang Island in southern Thailand, listening to the water caress the shore just several feet outside of my tent, inhaling the smell of leaves freshly washed by the evening storm. My tent was one of the few that held out, knock on wood, through the violent wind gusts and moderate downpour that made up our evening entertainment. Oh tent, you've been through so much with me, and you are getting only moderate beat up after three years of faithful service. Everything sounds pretty darn perfect, right? Then why do I find myself dedicating hours to daydreaming about silly things that are America? Cravings for Guinness and avocados aside, I found myself missing commuting the other day-time spent alone in your car. I miss cooking for myself. I miss Windexing the bathroom mirror on Sunday morning. Due to the incredible personalities of everyone on our program, the self-imposed lack of 'me time' has made me nostalgic for the solo activities that keep you from being overwhelmed in a buzzing crowd of people. And I'm realizing that the thing about impermanence is not so much a tangible lack of settling, but more the inability to build layers upon layers of good memories since you know you'll be moving on soon, possibly forever. The draw to familiar places is the rich multitude of happiness you can re-experience and build on every time you revisit the place. For what is reality anyway but a collection of perceptions?

Dear Bay Area Graduate Schools:

(To the tune of O-Town's All or Nothing):

I know that you've been through my files,
Your silence makes me agonize
Compared to Boulder realize,
You're slower, slower.

This waiting life you make me live,
Your answer you have got to give!
Cause sweating in this web cafe gets older, older.

When I applied to you
How could I know you would think for half a year?

I've sent my best to you, I want to invest in you, don't tell me you don't care!

Cause I want it all,
I wanna start this fall,
I'm waiting for your call,
It's now or never.

Am I in, or am I denied?
I need peace of mind.

more to come. ridiculous, I know. I wrote it on Valentine's Day.

In other news: Thailand rocks, except for the bugs and the sweating. Is it making me more patient? Is it character building? Do I feel like I'm living in a universe where the absence of sweating is impossible?

Internet is really expensive here so I will cut it off at that. We are hanging out on Lipe Island for the afternoon, across from Adang, where we are staying for a week total.

Thinking of getting my scuba certification after the program. Who would have guessed?!